


Red-Handed

by theprinceschamberlain



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 10:33:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6371359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theprinceschamberlain/pseuds/theprinceschamberlain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Michael are totally fucking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Red-Handed

**Author's Note:**

> I saw [this post](http://ohallows.tumblr.com/post/141702379376/nicky-throws-open-the-door-nicky-so-you-two) the other day and then this idea sort of invaded and wouldn't leave me alone until I'd written it out. 
> 
> I regret nothing.

“They’re totally fucking.”

Sam makes a face down at his algebra textbook, nose scrunching in disgust. His eyes move up to find Gabe, crouched on the couch and looking over the back towards the stairs, sucking noisily on a Jolly Rancher. He’s eyeing the second floor intently with a mixture of suspicion and mischievous glee.

From across the coffee table behind his laptop, Jimmy snorts. He finishes a sentence in his essay and looks over at his brother. “They’re not fucking.”

“Of course they are!” Gabe insists, followed by a loud slurp. “Why else would they insist we all do our homework in the living room?”

Dropping his pencil between the pages of his textbook, Sam glances toward the stairs. It’s quiet in the house, much like it is every day after school when the Novaks come over. Their parents are all at work, and Sam, Cas, Jimmy, and Gabe are camped out downstairs with their homework, while Dean and Michael are upstairs – being seniors in charge of a prankster freshman and three middle schoolers, it only makes perfect sense to Sam: he’d want to get away from his little brother too if he were Dean.

(Thankfully, in Sam’s thirteen-year-old opinion, Adam has pee wee baseball, so he spends his after school hours with John and not at home where Sam has to babysit.)

“Uh, maybe because they don’t want to have to watch their backs every minute?” Sam suggests pointedly, picking his pencil back up again. “Not that I blame them,” he mutters under his breath, and Jimmy snickers.

Gabe hums in agreement, not even a little bit offended, and pushes himself up, turning around and flopping down on the couch. He sucks harshly on the Jolly Rancher for a second. “They’re still totally fucking.”

Sam groans. “Why do you even think that? What have they done to make you think that? They’re not even gay!”

Gabe makes a face that screams _are you sure about that._ “Then how do you explain all the alone time, huh? How they’re _always_ alone together, or hanging out together in general! And the _staring!_ ” Gabe crosses his arms, looking smug. “Last time I checked, most people who claim to be ‘just friends’ don’t stare longingly into each other’s eyes.”

“Most people don’t try to find reasons their brother might be engaging in coitus with said brother’s friend,” Cas pipes up from the armchair, nose still buried in the required reading for his English class. He turns another page without bothering to look up.

“This is why most people won’t engage in coitus with you,” Gabe mutters mockingly, but is ignored. Instead, Sam points to Cas emphatically. “What Cas said! And besides, it’s too quiet for them to be having sex.”

“Oh, you know what that sounds like, do you? Lucky duck.” Gabe leers at him, and Sam flushes but stares him down defiantly.

“Unfortunately,” Sam spits grudgingly. “Dean _has_ had girlfriends over, you know. I’m lucky to _not_ hear anything.” A shiver runs up his spine as a ghost of a reminder of the sounds he’s heard before flit through his mind. Jimmy gives him a sympathetic grimace.

Gabe snickers like the jerkface he is. “One day, Sammy,” he says enigmatically, but doesn’t elaborate, which Sam thinks is for the best. “Anyway! I bet you a year’s worth of Jolly Ranchers that if we looked right now we’d catch them red-handed.” He pauses, and Sam fears for what he’s about to hear. “Or ‘balls-deep’ I guess would be more accurate, huh?”

“Ew, Gabe!” Sam and Jimmy whine in unison, and even Cas shoots a glare at his brother.

“Really did not need that mental image, Gabe,” Jimmy mutters, and Sam agrees.

Gabe is nonplussed, a manic grin on his face as he gets up off the couch and starts towards the stairs. Sam and Jimmy share a panicked look and jump up, abandoning their homework on the coffee table. Cas notices and sets his book aside, joining them as they chase after Gabe as he runs up the stairs.

“Gabe!” Sam hisses, grabbing his arm and unsuccessfully holding him back, as Gabe just shakes him off. “What are you doing? They’re not having sex!”

Gabe just shoots him a pleading look. “Don’t you wanna know for sure, though?”

“No, not really,” Jimmy whispers. “Why do you care so much?”

“Are you kidding me?” Gabe’s grin widens, and Sam thinks it reminiscent of the Joker. “That kinda blackmail will last me for _years!_ ”

They’re right outside Dean’s door at this point, and Sam’s praying to whatever higher power will listen that they can convince Gabe to just return to the living room and forget the whole thing. Unfortunately, he knows Gabe better than that, and he watches helplessly as Gabe tiptoes to the door, putting an ear to it. It’s quiet in the hallway, no suspicious noises or sounds to be heard. Sam lets his shoulders relax – but only slightly, though.

They immediately tense up again when a low groan comes through the wooden door. Gabe lets out a pleased gasp, and before any of them can stop him, he throws open the door, and figuring he’s going to regret this for at least the next five years, Sam follows after him, Jimmy and Cas crowding in behind him.

“Aha!” Gabe shouts triumphantly. “So you _are_ having sex!”

Sam’s not sure exactly what he expected – he’d had a vague idea, of course, though he’d been trying _not_ to think of it – but the scene before him _definitely_ isn’t it.

Dean and Michael _are_ sprawled over the bed, and Dean _is_ on his stomach, but that’s about the extent that the scene he’d pictured matches to what he’s seeing. Dean and Michael are both still fully clothed, even down to their socks. Dean’s at the foot of the bed, a textbook and his notes spread out in front of him. Michael’s leaning against the headboard, knees drawn up to his chest and laptop resting on them. They’re both looking at their brothers with amused expression, and Sam feels an awkward silence settling over them all.

Breaking the uncomfortable tension permeating the space, Dean turns to look at Michael.

“We’re having sex?” he asks lightly, like it’s news to him. “Well shit, Michael, why didn’t you say something? I’da put down my book.”

Sam feels his face heating up worse than that time they all took a vacation to the beach and Dean had taken all his clothes while he was in the public showers, forcing him to sneak his way back to the room with only a small towel to cover himself. Crap. Dean is _so_ gonna get him back for this.

“Wait,” Gabe finally says, and Sam’s surprised at how unsurprising Gabe’s lack of surprise is, “so you’re _not_ having sex?”

Michael still looks extremely bemused. “What gave it away?” he asks drily, and Sam is so embarrassed.

“Huh,” Gabe huffs, and he actually sounds impressed. “Well shoot, I was sure that’s why you guys are always going off by yourselves. Ow!”

“Gabe, you need to _stop talking,_ ” Jimmy hisses, and Gabe turns to glare at his little brother, rubbing the back of his head.

“No, no,” Dean says, and oh, no, Sam knows that tone. “You think…” He chuckles. “You think we’re always hanging out together because we’re fucking? Seriously?” Dean and Michael share a look before they break down in laughter, and Sam wishes the floor would just open up and swallow him at this point.

“Oh, man, that’s great,” Dean gasps, shoulders shaking with his laughs. When he calms, he just grins over at them. “But we passed that stage like two years ago.”

Sam frowns in confusion, sharing looks with Jimmy and Gabe before blurting, “Wait, two years ago? So you actually _are_ having sex?”

“Way to put it bluntly, Sammy.” Dean sits up, crossing his legs, and Michael sets his laptop aside to crawl to the foot of the bed beside him, setting his chin on Dean’s shoulder. “But yeah, I guess you can say we’re having sex.” He smirks, waggling his eyebrows, and Sam makes a face.

“But… _how?_ ” Sam is both horrified at the mental images and curious beyond belief. “And since when are you gay?”  

Dean rolls his eyes. “I’m bisexual, Sammy. Means I like girls and guys.”

Sam gives him an unimpressed look. “I know what bisexual means, jerk. I just…” He gestures vaguely towards his brother, who raises his eyebrows mockingly, a smirk curling on his mouth. “Ugh, whatever. You’re sleeping with our neighbor, that’s more than I ever needed to know. I need brain bleach.”

“I’ll help you look for it,” Jimmy agrees, and he, Sam, and Cas turn to head back downstairs, grabbing Gabe by the arm and pulling him along with them.

“But I was right!” Gabe shouts gleefully. “They’re totally fucking! Y’all owe me a year’s worth of Jolly Ranchers!”

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: [leviathncas](http://deanjimmy.co.vu)


End file.
